[ These days, Vash would lean in, bump his shoulder against Dolph's own. Or maybe he'd reach out and tangle their fingers together or just indulge in the warmth of someone else. Right now though he hesitates, keeping his hands in his lap.
[ When Dolph manages to just know things like that, it always catches Vash by surprise. His eyes widen just a little bit, then he looks away. His stomach turns a little. ]
[ He hesitates, clearly uncomfortable by the way he tries to shrink in on himslef. ]
We... got stuck in the labyrinth together a few months back. The door we went through was his Eden. Tesla was there. [ He exhales a breath that comes out more like a laugh. ]
But there's still room to jump. We don't have to trap ourselves too.
[ dolph squeezes his hand. vash was trapping himself in the situation that occurred. quite frankly, he doesn't believe for a moment vash killed knives but to confront that would be difficult. better to see that this is not the end. ]
[ To be called a killer by his own flesh and blood; it's not something he's managed to say to knives so explicitly. He tries to make himself smaller, but doesn't let go of Dolph's hand. ]
He doesn't want to be here. Maybe it's time I stopped trying.
[ Nothing Dolph says is wrong, inherently. But Vash doesn't say anything for a moment. Instead, he actually FINALLY draws closer to Dolph, enough to rest his head on the other man's shoulder. ]
There's good in him somewhere. There has to be.
[ It's not been the way he'd wanted it, but his brother HAS stepped in when Vash was in need. It counts for something, doesn't it? ]
[ it would be tempting to dismiss it. to say no. to steer vash completely away from knives. but dolph knows better. he used to believe similarly for alex. and maybe he still does. not everything about what happened was awful.
once upon a time, the love was real. it just wasn't enough.
was it enough here? dolph doesn't know. he hasn't seen a shred of it in knives. but he doubts knives would ever show it to him anyway. he wraps an arm around vash, holding him close. ]
Maybe there is. I'm not saying to give up. I'm saying that you shouldn't be trapped by what he thinks.
[ He winces a little. It isn't what his brother thinks, really. Perhaps what he's been convinced of. Partially becasue he knows what's coming when he does go home. ]
Sometimes I'm not sure why I'm alive. If we should have—
[ He stops, breathing in a deep breath. ]
But people like you make me want to keep going. People I've met here, people back home.
[ He doesn't want to give that up, selfish as he feels like it may be. ]
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He rolls a shoulder in a shrug. ]
It's complicated.
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[ dolph reaches out to clasp vash's hand. ]
You said you'd try. You promised me that.
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...I know. [ He looks over at Dolph, his expression strained. ]
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What did he say?
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I don't know how you do that.
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Will you tell me?
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I really messed up, Dolph.
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We... got stuck in the labyrinth together a few months back. The door we went through was his Eden. Tesla was there. [ He exhales a breath that comes out more like a laugh. ]
It was really beautiful, Nai was happy.
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he's been in enough of those to know. ]
What happened?
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So I...gave up. I let him win, and we stayed.
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But that wasn't the end of it.
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No, it was... fine. But you know nothing's real. We both know death's not permanent.
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But he probably had his own take on that.
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[ He pulls his hand away from Dolph here, wrapping his arms around his knees as he draws them up to rest his chin there. ]
...I've killed him twice. I'm his killer.
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. . . When you came face to face with Alex. I had already killed him before.
And yet you stopped me. Do you remember why?
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I remember that. It was because you didn't have to. You could still choose not to.
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But there's still room to jump. We don't have to trap ourselves too.
[ dolph squeezes his hand. vash was trapping himself in the situation that occurred. quite frankly, he doesn't believe for a moment vash killed knives but to confront that would be difficult. better to see that this is not the end. ]
He's here. He's not gone. You still have hope.
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Maybe I don't deserve my brother.
[ To be called a killer by his own flesh and blood; it's not something he's managed to say to knives so explicitly. He tries to make himself smaller, but doesn't let go of Dolph's hand. ]
He doesn't want to be here. Maybe it's time I stopped trying.
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You're not the one keeping him here. You didn't even bring him here. You know how this place works.
And anyway, it's not about him. It's about you. Is what he said really gonna stop you? You really wanna let go?
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I don't understand him. I've tried, Dolph. I don't know what else I can do. It feels like we'll never see eye to eye. On anything.
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He's poisoned by his own anger and his own resentment. Maybe he should learn to save himself for once.
And punishing yourself isn't helping him either. It's just more poison to go around.
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There's good in him somewhere. There has to be.
[ It's not been the way he'd wanted it, but his brother HAS stepped in when Vash was in need. It counts for something, doesn't it? ]
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once upon a time, the love was real. it just wasn't enough.
was it enough here? dolph doesn't know. he hasn't seen a shred of it in knives. but he doubts knives would ever show it to him anyway. he wraps an arm around vash, holding him close. ]
Maybe there is. I'm not saying to give up. I'm saying that you shouldn't be trapped by what he thinks.
What matters is what you believe.
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Sometimes I'm not sure why I'm alive. If we should have—
[ He stops, breathing in a deep breath. ]
But people like you make me want to keep going. People I've met here, people back home.
[ He doesn't want to give that up, selfish as he feels like it may be. ]
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